Sometimes I wonder if all those professional psychiatrists, psychologists and even counselors ever experienced some form of abuse? I guess some might have, but who knows? After all how can you truly understand someone in that situation from books? I have always believed that the people who should be qualified to deal with this matter should experience it first hand. Anyway I just needed to let my readers know, though I have no degree in fields such as the ones stated above, the fact that I have experienced abuse makes me a professional.
MY FIRST TIME!
Though I do not plan on giving full details on my experience, it helps to get it off my chest.
I believe I was between the age of four or five years old, when by the hands of one my uncles on my mother side, had me stuck between a child and an adult. To this day I am not sure what i was after my experience. I remember, him sending me out to purchase something for him and gladly obeying his order. Little did I know, his intention for me was about to change my life forever. Honestly, looking back, I often try to see if there was a way for me to stop it, but there was none.He was the adult and he decided he had the right to twist my world. For anyone like myself, who have experienced hurt by the hands of the people who are supposed to protect us, you understand what i am saying. I strongly doubt anyone can find words to explain how I felt. All I know is I went in as a four-year old child and came out blank. I remember him rewarding me with the snack he sent me to purchase for him but I don’t remember eating it. Actually my memory of my first encounter ended when I left that room.
Today, my uncle and I have no relationship. If he dies before I do, I don’t know if I’ll care much. Each time he sees me, I’m in awe at how he pretends nothing ever happened. I guess all abusers are like that. If you are wondering where were my parents in all this? Well most abuse occurs in dysfunctional families and I have forgiven them. With GOD’s help I am learning to forgive everyone.
I truly wish I was never became a professional of abuse, because it really sucks! It’s not something I would wish on my enemies. It happened and now my choice is simple: forgive and move on or die a victim. That’s the choice we all are left with… unfortunately, many die a victim rather than a victor. But I choose to be a victor!