AM I ALLOW TO BE HONEST?

If am allow to be honest,i’ll start like this,” AM in my father’s house lost and confuse”. My father  is all knowing so i was told,yet am in his house lost and confuse. I see him from the distance sitting on his throne surrounding by others and way to busy for me. I heard many things,believe many things,speak many things but yet am alone in this house longing for a father. Faith without works is dead, GOD is my only source,yet am in his house not sure what to do. Ask anything in his name and believe i have receive  and it will be so, but so many time i have and nothing has been done. Call on me and i’ll give you rest but i wonder if he notice how restless i am. Am not sure how to worship, for my heart is broken and i can’t pretend that am not overwhelmed . I was excited to be in my father’s house, but i never expected to be lost and confuse. My hands and my feet doesn’t seem to work, the head on my shoulder is a wandering top. My heart is all i got in my father’s house but from where i sat it doesn’t seem to be  enough. My father is surrounding by his sons and daughters, those whom he given a fair chance in life. If my father is as powerful as he said, then i guess he know my heart is broken and overwhelmed. How can i be in his house lost and confuse not knowing who i am or the purpose for my life? Did my father create me to b a laughing stock or is this all a big terrible joke, why am i wasting my time asking these question, the house i live in isn’t fair at all? If there was a better house than this, i would been long gone but am only here in this house because i have no where else to go. I have knock on every door i can find begging for help only for them to be shut in my face with a loud echo. Call rain, Call rain, i heard him say but since i been calling rain nothing has come. My father doesn’t move by tears so i only cry to myself, not knowing how to get the one who sit on the throne move towards me. I lift my hands to worship out of pain but i guess my praise isn’t accepted since  they not fill with  joy. “My GOD, My GOD” why haven’t you notice me, how come am in your house still lost and confuse? I tithe, i fasted, i worship, i prayed, i read your word and attend your church, yet everywhere i turn is a stumbling block and everyone i ask turn me away.  I read your word and every book i can find, i watch the sermons that’s preach  your word hoping to find the answer to my weary soul . You have given, rods, rocks and mentors to you children but to me you have give nothing but pain. Am a mistake or all you just cruel, or you a father to some but not to me? Maybe your anger is highly against me and your face is turn from me, but at least tell me who my father is so i can run to him, for my heart is broken and overwhelmed. I don’t know you and it doesn’t appear you know me am not sure you care because if you do you be here. When my turn is come to appear before you, i will bow my head and accept my faith. Do what you want for you are GOD no one is above you and no one can dethrone or fight against you. Am  not much of a child to you and you not much of a father to me so if you wish to condemn me do as you please.  Speak the word,speak the word they often say, but i have speak the word yet nothing has chance. Am not a servant but a child you say  yet you have treated me more like a servant and act like a master. Your daughter’s are been treated badly by yours sons, rape, murdered and cast aside like they nothing at all.  You sit on your throne as your daughter’s die out like flies screaming alone in the darkness  for you., You do not hesitate to run towards yours sons when they cry out help to you, but when your daughters cry out your ears are deaf and your face is turn in the other direction. You said you stand alone and no one above you but yours daughters are forgotten by you. I wish you were a mother sometime i do  because only a mother understand the pain of a daughter. Am in my father house alone and confuse, frustrated and forgotten and don’t know what to do. If am allow to be honest i’ll end like this, my heart is broken and overwhelm.Am confuse and frustrated and don’t know what to do am alone in your house waiting for you.

Written by:

A heartbroken child.

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Author:

I am passionate and filled with life. I believe as long as there is life there is hope and life is a choice. I am no quitter and will never give up on my life. My favorites Scripture is Phil. 4:13 " I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength".

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